Rachael Lindberg, MS, LPC
Afterglow Counseling & Coaching, PLLC
The holiday season often brings a mix of joy and stress. For many, it’s a time filled with traditions, celebrations, and connection. But for those who struggle with perfectionism, the holidays can become an overwhelming quest to create the “perfect” experience. From picture-perfect meals to the ideal gifts and flawless family moments, the pressure to meet impossible standards can leave little room for genuine enjoyment.
If you find yourself caught in the trap of holiday perfectionism, you’re not alone. Here’s how you can shift your mindset, embrace imperfection, and create a holiday season that feels meaningful and fulfilling.
Perfectionism and Feeling Overwhelmed from the Holidays
Holiday perfectionism is rooted in the desire to meet unrealistic expectations—whether they’re self-imposed or influenced by societal standards. You might feel pressure to host a gathering worthy of a magazine cover, give the most thoughtful gifts, or ensure everyone is happy. While these intentions come from a good place, they often lead to stress, fatigue, and disappointment when things inevitably don’t go as planned.
Perfectionism thrives on “all-or-nothing” thinking, convincing us that anything less than perfect is a failure. But the truth is, perfection isn’t what makes the holidays special—it’s the connection, laughter, and shared moments that leave lasting memories.
Signs You’re Caught in the Perfectionism Trap
Recognizing the signs of holiday perfectionism is the first step in letting it go. Here are a few common indicators:
Feeling anxious or overwhelmed by your holiday to-do list.
Fixating on details, such as decorations, recipes, or gift wrapping, to the point of exhaustion.
Comparing your holiday plans or outcomes to others.
Struggling to delegate tasks or accept help.
Feeling like the success of the holidays rests entirely on your shoulders.
If any of these resonate, it’s a sign that perfectionism might be stealing the joy from your holiday season.
Shifting from Perfectionism to Presence
Letting go of holiday perfectionism doesn’t mean abandoning your traditions or lowering your standards—it means focusing on what truly matters. Here are some strategies to help you embrace a more balanced approach:
1. Prioritize What Matters Most
Take a step back and reflect on what makes the holidays meaningful to you. Is it spending time with loved ones? Sharing a special meal? Creating a cozy, joyful atmosphere? Focus your energy on these priorities and let go of the rest. For example, instead of attempting a multi-course meal, consider a simpler menu that allows you to spend more time at the table than in the kitchen.
2. Set Realistic Expectations
Recognize that imperfections are part of life—and the holidays are no exception. Rather than striving for flawlessness, aim for “good enough.” For example, if your cookies don’t look like the ones on Instagram, remember that they’ll taste just as delicious. By setting achievable goals, you’ll reduce stress and create space for joy.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Remind yourself that the holidays aren’t a performance, and your worth isn’t measured by how “perfect” everything looks. When you feel the pull of self-criticism, pause and ask, “Would I hold someone else to this standard?” Chances are, the answer is no.
4. Delegate and Ask for Help
You don’t have to do it all on your own. Invite family members or friends to help with decorating, cooking, or planning. Sharing responsibilities not only lightens your load but also creates opportunities for connection and collaboration.
5. Focus on Connection Over Aesthetics
The most memorable holiday moments are often the simplest—a heartfelt conversation, a shared laugh, or a cozy night watching movies. These moments don’t require perfect decorations or elaborate plans. By prioritizing connection over presentation, you’ll create a holiday season that feels authentic and meaningful.
Embrace the Joy of Imperfection to Prevent Feeling Overwhelmed by the Holidays
The magic of the holidays isn’t found in perfection—it’s found in the moments that make us feel loved, connected, and present. When we let go of the need to do it all, we make space for what truly matters. This season, give yourself permission to embrace imperfection and focus on creating memories that feel real and meaningful. Remember, the most beautiful holidays are often the ones that are a little messy, a little unpredictable, and entirely yours.
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